available now for in☎'s & outcalls , Located in North KCMO🌹 - 35

Well it's almost midnight . Is it fair enough to think it's late enough to expect all the freaks to come out❓Well hopefully so because like I told y'all this weekend has been good for me and I'm not gonna quit until I'm tired and ready to rest.fully . I'm my own boss and I like to keep going just a little bit longer because I haven't met my quota yet . I'm not materialistic name brand shit don't mean a GOD damn thing to me , but I am a needy bitch . I need a lot to get by to make myself more compterable in this world 🌎 and that's the truth of the nature when you come face to face with me . I have no problem with that Iv already excepted that part of me . But in this journey there are some things that i havent quite accepted yet and those things are confronting me daily they won't leave me alone GOD damnit . I guess it's fair enough to say I at this point am still being stubborn and refuse to surrender to who I truly am as my identity as me as a person . I'm over 24 hours sober but don't congratulate me or tell me good job yet . No I'm not feeling like using or doing anything crazy other then I'm not ready to stop renting my body out yet . I think in my opinion even though to most of you I'm just one big ole joke , Iv settled and allowed myself to be ok with being one big joke that society can radical and shame laugh and make fun of . Persecute and abused mentally emotionally to the point where secretly at times I wish I could just get it some what physical because at least someone would be putting there hands on me and touching me even it it didn't cause a sexual climax or a hot 🔥 nasty orgasm . It pisses me off every time I bust and have a orgasm because the only time I'm usually having one is when I'm alone all by me self and I can't even enjoy it now mostly but still feel the need to get over the fact that I'm being watched touching myself and judged stared at and laughed at like I'm some GOD awful dirty sick twisted girl . But the truth is I'm not really sick and twisted as you all think . I'm just defeated by the world and it's ways I can't control or have no authority over . I'm a black market item and every day I live my life in fear and deal with constant mind fucking battles that makes me seem to be crazy or mentally unstable . Im just sad that's all broken hearted and the only reason I havent killed myself is because I do believe life isn't just simple or by coincidence . I worry about the opinions the world has about consequences of suicide and being and unforgiving by GOD . And sometimes I don't even know if he's real I go back and forth on that. Today I feel like he's 50% real . And 50% real is enough for me to pray to him more and more daily . Anyways I ain't complaining or being a depressed miserable monkey 🐒 I'm just keeping it real because that's all I can do anymore when I'm most miserable and vulnerable .I understand I ain't keeping it real 💯 percent when I continue to post ads even if I'm not talking crazy or begging for some hot 🔥 horny man to come rape me . I'm not being true to myself when I post period because I know I'm not escort material which sucks and is a hard pill 💊 for me to swallow . Every women wants to be sexy and be her best . But I feel like with me it took a lot of embarrassment and shame and trama to go through to where it took from my soul. Now I don't know who I am I have no identity and now it's to the point that I'd rather isolate by myself and be alone and in my feelings because at those moments I'm blessed enough now to be alone I feel not only in my feelings but vulnerable to my emotional pain. Now I abuse myself no days if no one else is or will because I live be in constant pain inside because the pain in my life is the only thing I can respect any more because I know that shit hurts and is real as a matha fucka and that's why my emotions take over the best of me and now it's a constant I'm going cycle a revolving door that feel permanently trapped in . So yeah I quit the dope if I can't quit the dope if I continue to stay clean and stay away off and the dope but at this point is not enough after all I have lost Is it possible that the promises in the AA program would ever be true for me AND THATS WHERE YALL COME IN AND GO AHEAD AND SAY ( WE THINK NOT 😈😈 ) but anyways if anyone possibly wants anything in my opinion that I would view as truly disgusting but would turn you on or make you laugh since every move I make in this world is monitored I know every second I should be expected to smile and ready for the camera even if I have to lick ass or dirty booty with a client while I'm turning a trick for a few hundred bucks like I did a few years ago with that england man I truly grew to like and partially fell in love because I like this butthole for a Marriott hotel room in $500 . That was a lot to me on one hand it's ashamed what society has instilled in my brain to believe what I deserve it's a shame that at this point after in the beginning when all this started when I didn't know the things I know now how now I still feel the need to say it's ok to those who abuse me or mistreat me . I do it all the time everyday and I laugh with you guys while you're laughing at me . It hurts inside but you know what can I do if I'm not going to kill myself then the reality is get to stepping annalee and let's keep it moving because bitch look in the mirror you're a f****** slave . And it's gotten to the point where I'm in a way starting to accept that I'm in this place in the world but same time thats sick and twisted and demented if you ask me but who the fuck am I right . At this the dope is in my opinion the only thing that's kept me alive for so long . I don't mean literally I mean inside . I think I'm certain when I say I'm not only broken but I am ruined . And that's why I keep posting ads because I feel like I can't do anything else to make ends meet . Iv made to many mistakes in my life when I was ignorant when I was naive it was punished to the point where Iv became nothing . So I'm over 24 hours clean off dope but on one hand I really kind of wish I had the right to get high and smoke some or hell even shoot some if I can get the vain . But to those of you who really hate me despise me and want to see me fell congratulations you won . And to those of you who laughed me and think I'm a joke and I cracked you the fuck up just know just because of that very reason why I'm a joke and I make you laugh or smile is the only thing I hold on to when I feel like I want to just cut myself over and over again until I bleed 🩸 out and die slowly and in pain because my life was wasted . So I want hand thank you everyone because my heart aches of pain and also from being a worthless piece of shit that no man would truly want to make love to or enjoy getting off to with his penis inside my herpefied vagina facts 😂😂😂😭😭😭😭😭😭 . And that's why I know I ain't shit or ever gonna be shit and it fucking hurts to materbate any more because even though I'm not physically with somebody I'm truly never alone . And because I'm so dirty and worthless when I climax it fucking hurts and breaks my GOD damn heart 💔 that I always suffer with why me why do I have to fantasize about my lover cheating on me for me to get off . But I'm still available and truly desperate and starting to accept and acknowledge that Nicholas Gene Miesner will ever come back and I won't have closure with that important piece of my life anymore. So yeah I need money for my snacks and my cigarettes for when I go to detox after I get out and to pay if you other people back so at this point I'm willing to offer the most even if I am degraded because I'm lost already as it is and at this point I probably do deserve to sell pussy and turn tricks the rest of my life cuz I called the cops on the one person in my life whoever gave me a chance or the time of day to truly open up . And let's just say hypothetically one day I did cross paths with him again I would not be able to express myself and tell him that I love him the way I truly do . Hell I wouldn't be able to ever f****** face him again after coming back out here again . I want hand secretly I hope that when he gets out of jail he comes finds me and murders my ass . But the same time if you did I'd b**** up and call the cops real quick . That's how fucked up I am and that right there is a reason I don't deserve any Grace . So I'm checking on my hotel room at 11:00 if anyone wants to come over and bang this s*** real quick with a thick hard dick and make it good and nasty hit me up I'm still not desperate enough to do anything for like $50 because even though I need more money I can always take my deposit from the hotel which is $90 and figure out how I will make that last for my cigarettes and snacks while I'm detoxing or I'll just go back to using drugs I hope not though . Hmu if your interested and getting over and taking advantage of a vulnerable woman who's desperate and has no control anymore thank you .